Reflection

Something that I don't do often, but I need to do at least once a week...

I did today. 

I sat in my feelings.

I played with my emotions.

I like to write about my emotions, but I never like to deal with them head on.

I asked myself why.

I figured out it was between two things:

 one I don't like to feel weak...when dealing with them, I feel weak...

and two, I have been through so much verbal abuse, I find that my defense mechanism is shutting down and being quiet, and blocking out how I really feel.

There's a lack of expression period in today's society...when I look around, it seems that everyone is doing what they think is right, and not staying true to themselves and knowing what's best for them. 

My biggest issues I realize all my life is I always looked for validation from others about how I feel, and when you say that out aloud, or look at me writing it, it sounds dumb as fuck. 

How can someone tell me how I feel about anyone, or anything? 

They can't...

With that being said, I mediated today, and promised myself that no matter what someone thought about what I am true to, I vow to keep walking in love and expressing. I vow to stay true to my thoughts, feelings, and my actions. I vow to be rooted in my "I am" chakra and accept what comes with it. The universe is listening, and I want to receive what I put out. God is love, and love is forever.