Spreading my light.

I'm about to start a YouTube channel and I'm excited. I hope I touch lives. 

Random Thought...

Today, I sat and felt his grace and mercy,
and it was in that moment I knew that there shouldn't be anything
I should be complaining about.
it was like, because I had given thanks today genuinely, that the universe filled my spirit with love and certification.
the energy that I was attracting from other beings were natural
and stimulating
so automatic, that I did not question it's presence,
and that was something that I had been struggling with.

It was a point in time in my life, where I would wonder the streets, and just be.
I would spark conversations with people, and get into deep feeling with them.
I would find myself dancing freely in a club, but having deep vibrant debates
sharing good conversation and beers with them.

in the middle of the club though? lol

like, I did not have a particular reason as to why I would speak to these beings, I just did.
I feel like it was the energy, or a contagious smile.
some people just need to get it out their system some times,
or some people just need someone to be there for them momentarily.
to interact.
to share ideas.
to bounce their vibrations off one another.

the euphoria we get from love is such a natural high, it is insane.

your presence is never wasted purposely,
only when it is given to people that do not appreciate it, and you know.
knowing is so powerful.

This was just a random thought for today...

The Creator's Gift

This is something that I want a lot of people to get into,  but again, the yearn for knowledge comes naturally, and you can spark a flame with two sticks, but only consistency will reveal the fire. 

In more of my recent post, I refer to the term "chakra" a lot. These are our main chakras. 

For years, well really, starting in 2009, I have researched different things. 

The Mayan culture.

New World Order.

African History.

Music.

The Bible.

Different Religions.

and many more things...

I was trying to feel this void, and could not really put my finger on it, but it just felt like I was not complete, and was missing something.

I was always asking, why, why, why...

then I came across something, 

and it was speaking of mediation, 

and the mind,

and love,

and traveling beyond our bodies,

and the secrets to the universe...

 and natural powers,

and healing...

and it is here I discovered the chakaras.

I encourage you to learn about them as well...

Explore

FEED YOUR 2ND CHAKRA: YOUR CREATIVITY CENTER, EXPLORE MANY SIDES OF YOURSELF, AND EXPRESS THEM!!!! I LOVE TO CHANGE MY HAIR EVERY 6 MONTHS, TO A YEAR. CHANGE FOR ME IS A RELEASE, AND I LOVE FEELING DIFFERENT.

27, and still... I do NOT have all of my shit together...

I thought, that at this age, I would have a lot of "things" accomplished...

this is me celebrating my 27th birthday...
I can be honest, and say that I have not made the typical, "American dream" choices.
I dropped out of college, married, and are now going through a divorce, with a daughter. To me this sounds like the average American fuck up, lol. Which appears very common, and honestly, I NEVER thought I would divorce,  because of my belief in unity and love... but that is another story, for another write...
I thought I was doing the right things in some aspects of my life, but I came to a realization, that I was doing what everyone else wanted me to do.
I was miserable, and felt like I had no real control of my life.
I have always felt like, I was not of this world, or something... I do not know how to explain this feeling...
kind of like how people are not in the same tax brackets, but at the same time I feel that we all are equal beings.
I feel self conflicted all the time, especially because my love for humanity. My mind, causes me to be hypocritical, because I can be so passionate about some things, but understand things for what they really are. Understanding, some times, can be very overwhelming, especially if the outcome is not of your wants. Blessings and gifts from the creator, can feel like curses at times for me, because it test your patience, and that is something sometimes I lack in certain aspects of my life.
I think we have been programmed to think, what the "right" thing to do is, and do not exercise critical thinking, and embrace self love.
I rarely hear encouragement, to be original, and stay true to yourself.
Now I am not here to point fingers, or throw a pity party for myself, because at the end of the day we have free will, and we have to take responsibility for our actions.
I just want to encourage someone with this post to be yourself.
Make your own happiness, and do not focus on time, because it is only an illusion.
You are great infinitely.
It is never too late to get it "right" in your life. You are your biggest devil and angel, so try and focus on the law of polarity, and turn your darkness into light.
The moment I started living for me, and truly believing in my wants and needs, I began to heal and live again. It all is a process, and growth is beautiful, just trust in the most high, and believe in yourself. This shit here is not easy, but do not beat yourself up, because everything worth fighting for is worth having.

I wish you could see yourself, through my eyes. I have never felt a love like this. You are my strength, and my reason to keep going. I love you baby girl.

9 mm

Changing my ways, as the days are changing

Expecting less, seems to cause somewhat of a depression. 

Numb is a new feeling, and never was expected

I call it bullshit, but in reality, all this shit is lessons. 

How many times must I hurt to believe again 

How much unnecessary, should one endure before they start snappin...

Am I acting in a passive aggressive manner?

Or am I really not giving a fuck? Where do these emotions differ?

I know I'm stiff on mankind, cause in them, no more, I no longer believe... 

Deception, lies, insecurity, have been brought upon me, they achieved...

I can't say that it's totally a bad thing, because I'm able now, to separate the real from fake...

And now I'm not so willing to give, so no one can take.

If you experience a piece of me, it's nothing more than a sample. 

Cause these days, words don't mean shit, and this here writing is an example...

Lies

In a beautiful life, I saw you chest to chest with me. 

Intertwining our love and sharing our seed.

We created magic, and you called me flower child. In a beautiful life, I'm your rib, and you're my heart. Protecting me from all evil, lust, and tainted things. Our unity represents our legacy and is infinity and beyond. In a beautiful life, you held me and were my light in the darkness. My sweetness in bitter times, my richness in a poor surrounding. 

In a beautiful life, all I saw was you and me. All I felt was love, and acceptance. In a beautiful life, I was the only, and I was of importance and felt complete. My voids were filled and all the days, never had timing, because all I knew was forever. 

In a beautiful life, all was true. There were no lies, nor sickness, because I was always kept, by you. 

My serenity in hell. How can that be? 

You made it possible, because you were my everything. You blinded me from chaos. 

I loved you so, I neglected myself. 

Nothing was truly the same, in a beautiful life. 

But life isn't so beautiful...

It was all a lie. 

You destroyed me.

You betrayed me.

Manipulative and abusive. 

Evil and selfish, misleading, you abandoned me. 

Gave me your seed, but never watered it. 

You never nurtured it. You never birthed it. 

You watched it grow, and struggle, and when it bloomed, instead of letting it be, you picked it. 

...Killed the life, and kept it captive, barely letting it experience the light, nor grasp for air. 

You never let its potential be. 

You sat it in your pot of hell, and left it to fight for its own. 

Like a raisin in the sun.

I told you! 

I told you I wanted a garden of hope. 

Filled with love and soil, a good foundation, to keep these roots planted. 

You promised.

You swore.

All you had was your word.

I took it.

I took it to heart. I gave you my life. 

My breath. 

My body. My soul. My mind. 

My everything. 

And you forgot me.

You used me.

You abused me.

You hurt me.

You destroyed me.

You broke me.

You misused me.

You picked my flower.

You let me die.

It was you.  

...and I still can't believe it.

I AM...

a being that believes in a loop.

a loop in all, and all is infinite.

a loop, which means consistency.

how many times will you ask me what my words are worth, 

can you not see them from my actions, and from the ground that I walk?

I demand respect when I step foot on the premises. 

My aura is soothing, and my energy is felt, and takes over.

what can not be understood, don't you dare dismiss it as crazy.

why wont you take the time to understand me, and question my antics?

one most likely fears.

fear is linked to the negative, so why wouldn't you be brave to go after what you seek?

I am an alpha female, with no ego.

money does not determine my moves.

material possessions do not sooth me.

I am rich without, and blessed within.

my wants, come from a source of wholeness, and my 

needs come from the creator.

all that I am, needs to be accepted, because I am me.

though there is always room for improvement, I hold strongly to my rooted chakra:

I am.

I speak truth, and love is truth.

love is unconditional and instant, but most would not believe this.

love does conquer all, this is why I can forgive, and will not go asleep mad.

though I am human, I do not make this an excuse. 

one, which is me, is deeply in tuned, and know that I am a being,

and I am not just of this dimension.

my soul cries for the trinity, 

and everything is connected.

so I may want to lust for you, but better believe that my trust for you is intact.

better believe my heart for you is always on 100.

better believe that my mind is connected, as if our pineal live in the same loop,

because all is infinite, and I am always consistent. 

I have noticed, that when we are not connected, conflict is not conflict, it is settlement. 

with my closest loved ones, our disagreements, are just that.

we can talk and come to an agreement.

it is so natural, it is effortless.

the polarity always seem to manifest into positive loops 

it is a constant flow of love.

again a loop.

I realized, that I am constantly examining myself, for betterment and understanding,

and when it comes down to it,

what I want and need I understand.

some things do not need to be explained, because it is natural understood.

you do not explain human things to an animal, but the two can be in natural harmony.

it is the loop of nature.

all i want is to join the loop with like minded beings,

and let the universe bring my partner to me,

because energy wasted, is not apart of the loop...

therefore I need to protect mine,

and learn to turn all negative flows, into positive flows.

the journey is infinite, and the mind is powerful, the soul always yearns for more, therefore balance is necessary...

I am always learning. 

SAVED

I want to connect to you,
can you feel my rhythm?

I am trying to submit to you
but you are not in sync

you want me to commit to you
but your heart is not on my beat

I am hearing everything that you are saying
but your actions do not match your feet

what walk is that?
what is that, of what you speak?
what is your definition of loyalty
what do you feel, when our bodies interlink?

are you trying to fuck my soul,
or just be a fuck boy, that appears to be unique?

young lady, who are you fooling?
why must everyone be your friend that you meet?

do words mean anything to you?
your appearance, is that all that you seek?

your material possessions, where do they get you,
besides the destination of fleek...

how long, must one suffer, to feel that they are not complete?
what justifies your happiness?
what makes you so distinct?

I ask myself constantly, what others are thinking,
now I am starting not to care...
half of the time when I speak or vent,
there soul is neither here, nor there.

Some just go through the motions,
with no particular plan, in what is, to actually BE,
some people do not understand that the path is infinite,
and do not care to grow, and understand, nor see...

but I have come to realize, we are our biggest enemies, and that mirror is so clear
when you look that demon face to face, can you tell me what appears?

does your darkness allow your light to shine,
or are you pale, without value?
are you wise, from your polarity,
or selfish, stubborn, and shallow?

only the truth will set your free,
....and that saying is not so cliche...

...cause, what I am realizing everyday more and more,
is the only person that can save me, is Jay.

Universal Truth.

When I closed my eyes,
And fell into darkness,
The realization that I felt was so empowering, that my heart exploded into a feeling I had been longing For...
I thought that this feeling, could come from man,
But I then realized, that in this universe,
Like dimensions,
There are levels to love.
The colors, in the darkness, were metaphors,
That only could be explained with experience.


My chakras, were being balanced, with stillness.


My questions were being answered, and clarity was magnified.


I wanted to share this feeling with the world, but only faith, and an open mind would allow one to experience,
and my thirst for knowledge, lead me to wonder in the wildness, and conquer the unknown.

Time,
an illusion,
had been a lie,
everything around me, was so small,
but still had meaning,
only in one dimension.
Which I discovered, that I had been stuck in,
which was the third.

Now one may wonder, by my description, what it is, that I experienced...and the only way I can describe this feeling is...love.
for the love of truth...

Truth is really an eye opener, especially once the third eye is opened.

I found myself so enlightened by the truth, that I could not handle it,
and returned to my old ways.

one thing about the truth is, once you know it,
you can not escape it.
you either take it, or run from it.

Today I choose to take it,
and explore it more than ever,
because there is a world beyond our physical,
that can only be reached
by discipline,
commitment,
and faith.


This reminds me of love.


Everything that I am,

....is made of love,
......................even when I am angry........so today, I choose to walk in love forever.

My greatest accomplishment