Honest moment...

You ever just wanted to be saved? Saved from the pain that you're use to. The pain is so normal, it's a cope. It's like the sickness is the cure. You're afraid of what's right, yet, the wrong is so addicting because you're familiar with it. How long will you lie to yourself? How long will you settle? Who leads the blind? Who cares for the souls that care too much? Who helps, "the help". Words mean nothing to those who aren't connected. They don't understand that the tongue is powerful. The power of the universe and frequencies, the vibrations of love. Do you live in wholeness, or is your walk filled with selfishness instead of selflessness? Do you know what it feels like to disappear daily in darkness without a spoken word of love received? Can you grasp the ache of a soul that feels alone, in a world filled with people? Who dares to be light, in someone's dark times? Perhaps you know a box filled with jewels are worthy, but none want ownership of such a rare commodity. How do you make logic of that? How does one not want to partake in greatness? What is love? How can you want love so badly, yet, ask of its being? Suffocating in ideas of what it is, to only not know of its existence, because you've never experienced pure mutual euphoria. To be saved, is to be loved. God is love. Jesus saves, and those that walk in his love are light. I'm tired of being in the dark, will you lead me, and be my light? 

This opened up some feelings today. Two minutes of pure bliss. Listen...

Realization

So what now....

What's the plan girl? 

You have your options and your plan didn't go accordingly.

What's the plan girl?

Did you have back up?

Now you know, that life is simply trial and error. 

Nothing goes accordingly to the plan, and there is no right way, for there are multiple paths and perceptions of this world. 

Happiness and success is defined at your own expense, and experiences. 

So what's the plan? 

Now that you've hurt, and you've seen some of the world, do you wish for the things you did once before?

What changed, if anything?

What's the plan girl?

Cause you only get one shot at this, and tomorrow isn't promised. So I ask...

What's the plan girl?

You realize there is no plan....

Because you know nothing. 

There are no re-do's

So why did you plan in the first place?

What were you trying to accomplish???????

You didn't stick to the manual...

And now you realize that all of life's purpose has nothing to do with your plan, but has everything to do with the world.

So what's the plan for the world?

What's your purpose?

What are you seeking?

When all along, you asked yourself what the plan was...

You should've be asking:

What am I doing? 

Sobriety

Just tired of the waves moving this boat...

An uneasiness comes over me, over stimulating me with unhappiness. 

Maybe it's not real for you.

This is a repetitive familiar feeling.

What's worst?

Experiencing truth, and never being able to grasp it, or never knowing the truth at all, when you seek it so desperately? 

Am I paying truly for my sins?

Is this infinite karma?

Cause if hell is worst than this, I would die twice in spirit.

I want to go crazy, cause I'm already there.

Might as well show what I feel.

When you've had all the flavors, which one becomes your favorite?

Or do you beget greed, and all flavors are recycled and indulged in circulation? 

Maybe you don't feel obligated to choose, because you don't need me like I think.

Maybe my perception is blinded by my own needing.

Am I selfish, or righteous?  

This isn't mutual. The scale is too high in polarity.

I'm screaming in the dark, and you aren't willing to be light, when I need you. 

Because if you were, by all means necessary, there would be an us.

We are not joint.

We are apart.

Literally.

We are apart.

I have to shake this. I have to rehab this addiction, because there is no fixing unless you're mine.

But I guess that's the issue.

I don't own you.

Love isn't ownership.

So this is false.

This is a drug.

And drugs aren't healthy. 

I need to be clean.

I need to get you out of my system...

  

The discovery

When I looked up, no one was there.

When I looked for a reply, there were no answers.

When I fell to my knees, others judged and loved to see me down.

They wanted me weak, like the last days of man.

Like the breath of a dying prey.

They wanted my heart to feel sorrow,

Like the death of a beloved soulmate.

Why do you curse me with evil spirits that do not know of love? 

Why do you punish your child?

Have I not a heart of righteousness?

I thought I knew love; man is stupid.

You strengthen me, and I was blind to discipline. I disobeyed thee, countless times. 

I lacked the understanding of true love.

True enlightenment.

Ignorance was bestowed upon me, due to selfishness. 

My father, your mercy has no measurement.

Your grace is like the fine thread of golden infinity.

Your love loops forever in wholeness, and your ways are beyond grateful.

Father of many names; Mercy, thank you.

You allow me to fly, but never let this bird die.

Why you wanna fly back bird?

My destination is in your hands, and you knew this all along.

They said: you ain't never gonna fly...

How dare I question the magnitude of your plan.

Who are they, compared to you? 

I am foolish to even question your ordained purpose!?

Bound; I fall to your glory, with thanks of the understanding that I am nothing without you. 

What purpose do I serve without the lord? 

For who is more great than you?

Rhetorical questions I ask, knowingly that you are all.

The beginning, the end, the love of my life.

You hold my breath, and death, but all redemption.

Spared is the scorn.

Who can find another like you? 

You are it.

The definition itself.

You are the most High.

You are love.

You are everything. 

The Plea

True torture is knowing the one you love, and settling. 

Why won't you fight for me?

Why do we settle, when our hearts connect instantly and twin flames burn brightly, despite  our distance? 

We remind each other that we are not what we see, but can feel what we are. 

Your energy is draining me, cause you're fighting what's natural. 

This love is covering a multitude of mistakes, and forgives all. 

I need you to be strong, and not torture me. 

Don't torture us. 

Lust is lies. 

You don't lie to me. 

I don't lie to myself.

That genuine soul of yours is recognized and appreciated. Strong, yet dangerous you are to have played on this devil's playground. 

I feel your roots implanted in my garden, yearning for the sprout.

Won't you let my light shine, in your darkness, and allow the rays to raise awareness of this lovely bliss. 

Damn. 

When we're communicating it feels like prayer. All always ends in forgiveness, even when we don't understand...

....but what I do understand is, that this is real, but you won't let it live....

Conscious

This black hole 

Whispers truths that haunt my daily mental 

Emptiness 

Embarrassment 

Disappointment. 

How dare you be ungrateful when you have all your limbs intact...

How dare you speak one negative word, when you breathe clean air, and speak clear from the comfort of a bed?

Your ability to type, is of the essence of a working brain...

The simplicity of life, do you not agree is no where near worthless?

Or do your selfish wants overcrowd your appreciation for the comfort of the necessities that you have?

My child, do not let your eyes blind your soul...

Have you not appreciated the rhythm, blood flow, and repeated in sync beat of your heart?

Don't you know, instantly your blessings can be paused indefinitely?

Why do you complain of such pettiness, when life is in the spec of your breath?

Who are you trying to please, if your thanks aren't unto life?

What more do you yearn for?

What more must you seek to become whole? 

You have forgotten your roots.

You've manipulated your mind to man's power.

Stop complaining.

The breath should be used to speak of love, and appreciation.

The people are only smart, when they realize, they know nothing.

Become free again, and never turn back .

Vibrate higher. 

Survival

frustrated
feeling trapped
yet free.
how does one, explain the colors she sees in a black and white picture?

how does one give energy to the dead?
I can tell you don't know what to do.
Though it might hurt, I'm going to tell you the truth.
....at least most of it.
the rest, you have to seek.

I wish, we could share energies.
...need me like the air you need to breathe.
you're saying it's too late, like I had a curfew with you.

seems like music appears to be the only expression for communication for my feelings?
Though I'm rarely feeling...
it's nice to know, those emotions, that are suppressed, can be expressed.

I wish...
I had more for you,
but this is it.
I don't think I can live with this...
....it can't get anymore real, than this...

what does a caged tiger think on a daily basis?
no one cares,
but dares not to get close, do to fear.
they would rather admire the beauty from the outside,
but not truly understand the inside...
the results of the cage,
the effect it may cause...
but when that beauty turns into a disaster...
and snaps...
it is killed.
never understanding,
that it was truly...
indeed...
a beast.
.....an animal...
..............................of nature..
..............................................that was designed to be free.

caged am I.
with all the resources around...
but caged...
...to the systematic chains of these people...
frustrated.
not being understood.
admired.
but not wanted, or needed.
alone, I survive.

How to Enjoy Being Alone!

LYRICS: Tory Lanez•N.A.M.E

Girl it's obvious you got

Some problems
It's obvious you got some issues
But if God sent me

All in your life

It's obvious I'm here
To fix you
When I can't go no longer
I need someone stronger
To hold on to get through
And I will stay by your side
Girl you know I'm gone ride
Come to your rescue