Realization

So what now....

What's the plan girl? 

You have your options and your plan didn't go accordingly.

What's the plan girl?

Did you have back up?

Now you know, that life is simply trial and error. 

Nothing goes accordingly to the plan, and there is no right way, for there are multiple paths and perceptions of this world. 

Happiness and success is defined at your own expense, and experiences. 

So what's the plan? 

Now that you've hurt, and you've seen some of the world, do you wish for the things you did once before?

What changed, if anything?

What's the plan girl?

Cause you only get one shot at this, and tomorrow isn't promised. So I ask...

What's the plan girl?

You realize there is no plan....

Because you know nothing. 

There are no re-do's

So why did you plan in the first place?

What were you trying to accomplish???????

You didn't stick to the manual...

And now you realize that all of life's purpose has nothing to do with your plan, but has everything to do with the world.

So what's the plan for the world?

What's your purpose?

What are you seeking?

When all along, you asked yourself what the plan was...

You should've be asking:

What am I doing? 

Sobriety

Just tired of the waves moving this boat...

An uneasiness comes over me, over stimulating me with unhappiness. 

Maybe it's not real for you.

This is a repetitive familiar feeling.

What's worst?

Experiencing truth, and never being able to grasp it, or never knowing the truth at all, when you seek it so desperately? 

Am I paying truly for my sins?

Is this infinite karma?

Cause if hell is worst than this, I would die twice in spirit.

I want to go crazy, cause I'm already there.

Might as well show what I feel.

When you've had all the flavors, which one becomes your favorite?

Or do you beget greed, and all flavors are recycled and indulged in circulation? 

Maybe you don't feel obligated to choose, because you don't need me like I think.

Maybe my perception is blinded by my own needing.

Am I selfish, or righteous?  

This isn't mutual. The scale is too high in polarity.

I'm screaming in the dark, and you aren't willing to be light, when I need you. 

Because if you were, by all means necessary, there would be an us.

We are not joint.

We are apart.

Literally.

We are apart.

I have to shake this. I have to rehab this addiction, because there is no fixing unless you're mine.

But I guess that's the issue.

I don't own you.

Love isn't ownership.

So this is false.

This is a drug.

And drugs aren't healthy. 

I need to be clean.

I need to get you out of my system...

  

The discovery

When I looked up, no one was there.

When I looked for a reply, there were no answers.

When I fell to my knees, others judged and loved to see me down.

They wanted me weak, like the last days of man.

Like the breath of a dying prey.

They wanted my heart to feel sorrow,

Like the death of a beloved soulmate.

Why do you curse me with evil spirits that do not know of love? 

Why do you punish your child?

Have I not a heart of righteousness?

I thought I knew love; man is stupid.

You strengthen me, and I was blind to discipline. I disobeyed thee, countless times. 

I lacked the understanding of true love.

True enlightenment.

Ignorance was bestowed upon me, due to selfishness. 

My father, your mercy has no measurement.

Your grace is like the fine thread of golden infinity.

Your love loops forever in wholeness, and your ways are beyond grateful.

Father of many names; Mercy, thank you.

You allow me to fly, but never let this bird die.

Why you wanna fly back bird?

My destination is in your hands, and you knew this all along.

They said: you ain't never gonna fly...

How dare I question the magnitude of your plan.

Who are they, compared to you? 

I am foolish to even question your ordained purpose!?

Bound; I fall to your glory, with thanks of the understanding that I am nothing without you. 

What purpose do I serve without the lord? 

For who is more great than you?

Rhetorical questions I ask, knowingly that you are all.

The beginning, the end, the love of my life.

You hold my breath, and death, but all redemption.

Spared is the scorn.

Who can find another like you? 

You are it.

The definition itself.

You are the most High.

You are love.

You are everything. 

The Plea

True torture is knowing the one you love, and settling. 

Why won't you fight for me?

Why do we settle, when our hearts connect instantly and twin flames burn brightly, despite  our distance? 

We remind each other that we are not what we see, but can feel what we are. 

Your energy is draining me, cause you're fighting what's natural. 

This love is covering a multitude of mistakes, and forgives all. 

I need you to be strong, and not torture me. 

Don't torture us. 

Lust is lies. 

You don't lie to me. 

I don't lie to myself.

That genuine soul of yours is recognized and appreciated. Strong, yet dangerous you are to have played on this devil's playground. 

I feel your roots implanted in my garden, yearning for the sprout.

Won't you let my light shine, in your darkness, and allow the rays to raise awareness of this lovely bliss. 

Damn. 

When we're communicating it feels like prayer. All always ends in forgiveness, even when we don't understand...

....but what I do understand is, that this is real, but you won't let it live....